0 comments Friday, August 14, 2009




It is difficult to explain a Thursday Next novel without sounding like a goddamn lunatic so I’m going to let the Amazon description of Something Rotten do the heavy lifting. Seriously, I’ve sat here for 20 minutes and tried to write this 5 different ways and it always is as clear as mud in a dark closet. Admittedly, I’m cheating a bit. Deal with it.

(5 MINUTES LATER)

Well, that didn’t work at all. Their description is worse than what I was trying to do. Let’s see what else I can find.

(10 FRUITLESS MINUTES OF GOOGLING LATER)

Nothing. Great. Ok, fuck it.

Something Rotten finds Spec Ops Literary Detective Thursday Next and her 2 year old son Friday still living in the Bookworld. Thursday has been working as the Jurisfiction Bellman (a policing agency inside the realm of books) for the last couple of years, but decides to return to the real world and try to un-eradicate her husband, Landen. She finds things are less than ideal in her real world (an alternate universe 1985 England) as the evil multi-megacorporation Goliath (responsible for Landen’s eradication in the first place) is attempting to become a Church to loophole its way out of a prophecy predicting the corporation’s demise, and the megalomaniacal fiction escapee Yorrick Kaine may be inadvertently going to cause Armageddon because if Swindon fails to win the World Croquet Championship it will set in motion a series of events that will see Kaine become President of England.

Hamlet (yes, THAT Hamlet) accompanies Thursday into the real world to see how he is viewed by readers and his absence causes irrevocable damage to his play as in Hamlet's absence Ophelia decides to merge Hamlet with The Merry Wives of Windsor . The only way out of that mess is to re-write the play into its original version, but where is Thursday going to find William Shakespeare in 1985? How will she deal with the attempts on her life from the Windowmaker, a lethal assassin (and wife) of her friend Agent Stoker? And somehow she still has to find time to locate an on-the-run Minotaur and figure out just what the hell an Obvinator does.

Still with me?

Ok, enough of the plot synopsis. Let’s get this straight. If nothing above made any sense to you, stop reading and go get The Eyre Affair to see where it all began. I promise it makes sense in context but when reading a Thursday Next novel you are taking an E-train to Lunacy Town . Either you are with the madcap insanity or it just ain’t your thing. I loved the series and was rather shocked by Something Rotten’s outcome. I had no idea this was the end to the series. Yes, I am aware there is a fifth book called First Among Sequels but Something Rotten wraps up nearly all of the plot threads of the previous 3 books and does so with impeccable style.

The book is complex, but not overly confusing, and retains all of the charm of the earlier books and all major characters return at some point for the finale. There is one twist that is so good, so well done, so unexpected and so absolutely shattering that I had to read it twice. I’m not going to go into it, but I will say that if you have followed the series from the beginning you will meet this twist with confusion, dawning realization, and finally wonder as you try to piece together this final complete mindfuck. More than anything, you will want to re-read the books again to see the details you missed that possibly portended it.

I was very pleasantly surprised with Something Rotten. I have enjoyed every Thursday Next book but this is the first one since The Eyre Affair that was absolutely satisfying. I have not yet read First Among Sequels, but I know it takes place 16 years after Something Rotten. So I’m treating it as an epilogue. As a finale, Something Rotten excels and easily holds its own among the greats of the fantasy genre. As a series, the Thursday Next books should absolutely not be missed by any fans of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams. If that describes you, you owe it to yourself to dive into this series.

0 comments Friday, July 10, 2009


Some places are too evil to be allowed to exist. Some cities are too wicked to be suffered.

Thus begins Dan Simmons' Song of Kali. This is the third time I have read this book, and familiarity does nothing to blunt the impact of the narrative. What begins as an academic description of the squalor in the teeming city of Calcutta soon immerses the characters and readers fully into the fetid underbelly of the most notorious city on earth.

The year is 1977, and Americans Robert Luczak, his wife Amrita, and their baby daughter Victoria journey to Calcutta so that Robert can acquire the final manuscript of a long suspected to be dead poet named M. Das. Once there he becomes embroiled in a mystery surrounding where the poet has been and why it is so important for this final poem to be published. As the mystery deepens and the Luczaks' become unwittingly pawns by a secret society that worships the goddess Kali, Robert begins to see that there may be no escaping the city's madness.

Simmons describe Calcutta in such a way that there is no room for beauty. From the alleys teeming with garbage and human waste to the upper middle class homes of the Writer's Union there is always some bit of decay that taints even the sunniest of scenes. Like all great thrillers the book begins with a sense of foreboding that becomes suffocating by the final pages. There is no happy ending, not really. There is only chaos, a mystery with no answers, or at least no rational ones.

Song of Kali is a brutal reminder of the anarchy that exists just beneath the surface of humanity. The jacket touts the novel as one the reader will never forget, and for once the blurb whores are right. Any horror fan that has yet to read Song of Kali should do so immediately. This is not a novel of things that go bump in the night and can be easily vanquished, true evil can never be defeated, only delayed.

0 comments Monday, June 29, 2009


Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child have finally done what not even uber-villain Diogenes Pendergast could achieve: they have killed off a main character. No head-fake like the supposed murder but really just critically injured Margo Green in Dance of Death. No, this is the real thing. In the opening chapter of the slow burn new thriller Cemetery Dance, NY Times reporter and longtime Preston/Child character Bill Smithback is killed. As in dead. Forever. Sort of.

What begins as an intensely personal case for Preston/Child regulars NYPD Homicide Detective Vincent D'Agosta and FBI Special Agent Aloysius Pendergast soon drags them deeper into the most dangerous case of their careers. Given the amount of scary ass shit they have dealt with in the past this is saying something. Trouble starts when the primary suspect in Smithback's murder, seen on multiple security cameras, turns out to have been dead for a month. Soon zombii (the book helpfully points out the double i is the correct spelling) begin popping up in the city and all signs point to a cult of animal sacrificing nutbags that have held residence in a North Manhattan warren of buildings known as The Ville.

Along for the ride are other series regulars Nora Kelly, Smithback's wife, and Laura Hayward, NYPD Captain and on again/off again girlfriend to D'Agosta. Through the course of this adventure all the regulars are in serious trouble and after the initial murder of Smithback you are really kept guessing who is going to survive long enough to figure out just what the hell is going on.

Cemetery Dance is a much more intimate story then the last several Preston/Child novels. Although limited in scope, the murder of their friend clouds everything these characters do throughout the book. They make mistakes, they act rashly, and even the brilliant and seemingly unflappable Pendergast is thrown by the conflicting clues in the case. Preston/Child don't write mysteries, but this one was set up in such a way that you could deduce what was going on (faster than the characters to be honest) but not why it was going on. Rather then making the book tedious it heightened the suspense as you realize just how much danger the characters are in.

After the good but exhausting Diogenes Trilogy (Brimstone, Dance of Death, Book of the Dead) and the fun but nutty Wheel of Darkness, it was great to see a self-contained case that still brought all the thrills that fans of Preston/Child expect.


NOTE:: For new readers to Preston/Child I recommend starting where they did, The Relic. An incredibly good monster-thriller that was made into one of the worst movies of all time. Nora Kelly and Bill Smithback were first introduced in my personal favorite Preston/Child book, Thunderhead, about an archeological expedition searching for the lost city of gold.

0 comments


Ah, the continuing adventures of the 70 foot, 100 ton Megalodon shark, Angel, and the family that keep and fear her. Hell's Aquarium is book 4 in the MEG series and it starts with things not going well and ends with things considerably worse.


It has been near 30 years since Jonas Taylor first discovered that the once thought extinct Carcharadon Megalodon sharks have been living in the depths of the Marianas Trench. After 3 books worth of mayhem caused by the sharks they are now safely (HA!) ensconced in a custom built aquarium in San Diego. Trouble brews when Angel's (short for The Angel of Death) truly terrifying brood (Bella, Izzy, Mary Kate, and Ashley...no lie) start turning on each other.

To combat this Jonas decides to sell 2 of the pups (each one 15 foot long) to a Dubai prince for his upcoming Hell's Aquarium, the most advanced, largest sea enclosure, and future home of the scariest fishies in the history of the planet. Ever. As part of the deal his son David goes along to care for the sharks and train a team in the operation of a prototype submersible. Their mission is to go to the newly discovered Panthallasic Sea (hidden beneath the sea floor off the Philippines) to find the many, MANY prehistoric monsters that have made their home there for millenniums for display in the aquarium.

Meanwhile a go-gooder animal rights group, suffering from some sort of brain damage, seem to think that releasing the 30 foot Bella and Izzy into the wild is a good idea and begin sneakily trying to do just that. But Angel is growing restless in her enclosure and drastic measures are needed to control her, which results in Angel getting some unexpected drop ins for dinner.

This is all potboiler nonsense but makes for a hell of a fun read. Alten writes in the present tense which takes a bit to get used to but tends to make everything more suspenseful. It's an interesting trick that works for a thriller. The book gets bogged down in the over-long ending that introduces lots of creatures in a small time frame in a "that one was big, but THIS one is huge!" constant one-up manship that gets a little irritating. The primary issue I have with the book is the extremely sloppy epilogue that fails to wrap up anything but sets up book 5 (to be called Night Stalkers) and the supposed finale to the series.

I've been consistently surprised Alten has gotten as much mileage out of this silly series as he has so I'll happily go along for one last harrowing dive to the depths of the ocean when Night Stalkers comes out in a couple of years.

But I have about 100 unanswered questions I hope he bothers to address this time.

{Further books in the MEG series are: MEG, The Trench, and MEG: Primal Waters}

0 comments Thursday, June 4, 2009

I don't know how the game is going to be, but this video for upcoming MMO Star Wars: The Old Republic is pretty much what I envisioned the prequels to be and instead got rastafarian rabbit creatures and emo-Anakin.

http://www.swtor.com/media/trailers/deceived-cinematic-trailer

 

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