Criticult.Com

I hold Appetite for Destruction in the highest regard, and put the Use Your Illusion albums in my list of the top 20 all time greats. No such list currently exists, but if it DID, Appetite would be #1 and the Illusion double album would be in there somewhere. My point is I loved those drunken rude-ass sons o' bitches.

And it pains me to say that Guns N’ Roses is dead. The monstrosity that exists in name only as a monument to the massive ego of Axl Rose is but a hollow shell of the past glory the baddest mother fuckers on Earth once bestowed upon all of us eager metal heads.

It is doubtful another debut album will ever hit as hard as Appetite for Destruction. The entertainment world has simply changed far too much for that to happen. What I can promise you is Guns N’ Roses will NEVER release an album that comes close to achieving what Appetite for Destruction achieved. And on some level I have to think that Axl Rose knows this which would explain the endless tinkering with his magnum opus, Chinese Democracy. This monstrosity is rumored to have cost Geffen Records upwards of $13 million dollars. An absolutely mind blowing amount in an age when anyone with a smattering of talent can crank out a full album in a home studio for under $15k in start up cost.

Rumors are running rampant again that the album is finished and heading to stores this fall. The story last week was that Axl’s management were trying to distribute the album exclusively through either Best Buy or Walmart. I don’t know about you, but when I think of a don’t-give-a-fuck-band that plays raw and raunchy hard rock I can’t think of a better entity to push their albums then pro-censorship Walmart.

It was announced earlier this year that a new Guns N' Roses track called "Shackler’s Revenge" will be featured prominently on the upcoming videogame Rock Band 2. This is the only solid evidence pointing to a release but at this point who can honestly tell. More importantly, DOES ANYONE CARE? If the below tracks are any indication those that are looking forward to Chinese Democracy with breath held are about to become an even smaller minority. And dead. Seriously, it's just a damn rock album, you're turning blue for Christ's sake.

I have no idea what version of the songs I have. They sound finished and polished to me. From what I understand there are about 80 songs that could make up Chinese Democracy, and those 80 have been remade about 200 times each. Axl’s vocals fluctuate between passable and screechy godawful and every track I’ve heard features a drum machine in one capacity or another. None of these songs are great, some are better than others, but NONE top a single song the band has done before. That is with the notable exception of Axl’s horrific experiment into industrial music, "My World", featured as the closer on Use Your Illusion II. That song sucks in so many ways just listening to it can get you arrested for soliciting prostitution.

I should note that I have listened to these tracks at least twenty times each. I'm not trying to bag on the songs, more than anything I would love for Democracy to set the world on fire. If you can get your hands on these tracks, and honestly it's not all that hard, I recommend listening to them on head phones. Axl's choice to go with a wall-of-sound style production drastically reduces the fidelity of the tracks on anything other than headphones.


Chinese Democracy

This track opens with Axl hooting like a monkey. Honestly, I have no other way to describe it. This is followed by a cluster of unintelligible voices all talking on top of itself. An electronically fuzzed out guitar riff comes in over wind noise followed by Axl’s trademark caterwaul.

The song is not bad, but I have no idea what he’s singing about. I believe one of the lines is:

sitting in a Chinese stew, to view my disinfatuation

Incidentally, spellchecker assures me "disinfatuation" is not a real word.

This is easily his best song and at best it’s a Nine Inch Nails B-side. It's a song that seems to be going somewhere but never quite arrives. The whole thing is build up and makes for a frustrating experience.

Better

This one leaked to the Internet for the first time last year so "Better" could nearly be called a single. At least it’s familiar. This version is different from the one that released last year and is still just as musically schizophrenic. This song changes beats and music style so often it’s like a mini-album all by itself.

If the War

Spanish flamenco guitars give way to 70’s funk that would feel right at home in a Barry White Burger King commercial. Axl’s voice is stretched to the breaking point and actually crosses over into headache inducing toward the end. My dog cries when I play this song.

IRS

"IRS" perfectly captures the major problem with all of these tracks. There are some good ideas, and some good music, but the presentation is a complete mess. There is just way too much going on. I’m sure Axl prefers to call the production “layered” but I’m going to just call it "chaotic". That said, this track does rock pretty hard. I dig it despite the flaws.

Madagascar

Another song we’ve heard for years now. Probably the best song to date that is unfortunately brought down completely by the never ending and overwrought sound clips. Then there is the ponderous horn and string section and backing vocals courtesy of Axl. Maybe it's just me, but nothing irritates me more than a singer that provides their own backing vocals on tracks. It's just diva antics, pure and simple.

Worst of all is the recycling of the famous Cool Hand Luke quote used effectively at the beginning of the band's own "Civil War". Here it is a painful and embarrassing reminder of past glories of a band that burned out too soon and now limps along as a solo project with a grandiose name.

Riyadh & the Bedouins

I actually like this one. It sounds like Led Zeppelin but is fairly catchy. This is one of the few songs that comes closest to capturing the old Gun N' Roses sound. It would fit just fine as a throw away track on Use Your Illusion II.

Silkworms

An electronica/industrial rip off that makes Axl’s aforementioned travesty "My World" sound like "Head Like a Hole" by comparison.


That's it. Obviously a full release would include material none of us has heard. As it stands, if the above are the tracks released (and I would bet "Silkworms" is a demo that never sees the light of day) the completed album could be a respectable hit. Will it recoup the reported $13M it costs to make it over the last 18 years? Hell, no. But at this stage, I would just settle for the damn thing to be GOOD.

But I know what Axl Rose would have to say about my doubts.

Labels: album review, TylerDFC